Susan remained silent for a moment.
Because I loved you.
“That doesn’t justify it.
“No,” Susan said. It doesn’t justify it.
I got up and walked to the window.
Thirty-six years.
Thirty-six years of birthdays, vacations, illnesses, arguments, laughter, children, grandchildren.
Had it all started with a lie?
I felt nauseous.
Then Susan said something she didn’t expect.
Robert, there is more.
I turned around.
He put his hand back in the box and handed me a closed envelope.
This one was more recent.
My name was written with Linda’s handwriting.
My hands started shaking.
When did you get this?
“Three months ago.
I looked at her.
Susan nodded slowly.
Linda contacted me.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
He found me online. He told me she was sick.
Susan paused.
He apologized.
I sat in the chair again.
Did he tell you everything?
“Yes.
Susan watched me carefully.
“He said he had spent years trying to convince himself that what he had done no longer mattered because you had built a good life together.
My eyes were burning.
“But as the end approaches, he could no longer carry it.
image
I looked down at the envelope.
Why didn’t she tell me herself?
“Because I was afraid you’d spend your last days looking at her differently.
That hurt me more than I expected.
Susan continued.
“He said something else, too.
I waited.
“He said if you came looking for me, I should give you that letter. And then I had to let you decide what to do with the truth.
I opened it.
Robert:
If you’re reading this, it means you found Susan.
That means I’m not there anymore.
And it means that the truth is finally where it always must have been: with you.
He was young.
I was scared.
And I loved you so much that when Susan showed up at our door, I panicked.
I knew you never stopped loving her completely.
So I lied.
I told her you didn’t want her.
I kept his letter.
And I spent almost forty years repenting of it.
There’s no excuse for what I did.
But please believe this: every day I loved you it was real.
Our kids were real.
Our home was real.
Every laugh, every ordinary morning, every time I held your hand because I was grateful that you were by my side… all that was real.
