Dinner for one if I wanted it.
Dinner for twelve if I invited people.
No one needing permission from anyone else.
“What do you think?” the agent asked.
“I think I’m not ready.”
“Of course.”
She handed me a brochure.
“Keep it anyway.”
I tucked it into my handbag.
Two days later, Daniel called again.
This time, I answered.
“Mom.”
His relief was immediate.
“Where have you been? We were worried.”
“I’m fine.”
“Did you get my email?”
“I did.”
A pause.
“Are you angry?”
“I’m thinking.”
“About Thanksgiving?”
“About the last four years.”
Silence came through the phone.
In the distance, I heard children laughing and waves breaking.
“Mom, Hawaii was Rebecca’s idea. We found a last-minute package and—”
“You don’t need to blame your wife.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Another pause.
Then Daniel lowered his voice.
“We honestly thought the flight would be hard on you.”
“Did you ask me?”
“No.”
“Did you think about asking me?”
He didn’t answer.
I looked around the apartment.
My boxes were still stacked against the wall.
“Daniel, the problem isn’t Hawaii.”
“Then what is?”
“You stopped seeing me as a person who makes choices.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It may not feel fair.”
“You live with us because we care about you.”
“I moved in because you asked me to.”
“We all agreed it made sense.”
“It did make sense. Then.”
His voice became more strained.
“Why are you talking like you’re leaving?”
I took a breath.
“Because I already did.”
For several seconds, I heard nothing.
Then: “What?”
“I moved out Friday.”
“Moved where?”
“A temporary apartment.”
“You moved out while we were away?”
“Yes.”
“Mom, you can’t just—”
He stopped himself.
I waited.
When he spoke again, his voice was quieter.
“What did you take?”
“Things that belong to me.”
“What does that mean?”
“The blue sofa. My bedroom furniture. The sideboard. My dishes. Some other things.”
“The coffee maker?”
Despite myself, I smiled.
“Yes.”
“Oh, for God’s sake.”
“It was mine.”
“You gave it to Rebecca.”
“I bought it for the household.”
“That’s basically the same thing.”
“No, Daniel. That sentence explains more than you realize.”
He exhaled.
“Can we talk when we get home?”
“Yes.”
“Will you come back to the house?”
“To talk. Yes.”
“To live.”
“I don’t know.”
That frightened him.
