“There is another issue.”
“The money,” he said.
“Yes.”
Daniel folded his arms.
“We can refinance.”
“Should you?”
“What do you mean?”
“What would it do to your payments?”
He hesitated.
“They’d go up.”
“How much?”
“We don’t know yet.”
Rebecca said quietly, “Probably more than we can comfortably manage.”
Daniel looked at her.
“We could make it work.”
“That phrase worries me,” I said.
He frowned.
“Why?”
“Because you have two children, college savings, your own retirement, and a house.”
“So what do you want us to do?”
“I don’t know yet.”
His frustration returned.
“The loan is due, Mom.”
“I understand.”
“You want your independence. That requires money.”
“I also don’t want you making a foolish financial decision because I moved out.”
Rebecca studied me.
“Would you consider extending the loan?”
“Yes.”
Daniel looked up.
I held up my hand.
“Under different terms.”
“What terms?”
“I don’t know yet.”
His face tightened again.
“Then what are we doing?”
“Talking.”
He looked at me as though this were the least satisfying answer imaginable.
Perhaps because for most of his life, I had solved things.
Dinner.
School forms.
Doctor appointments.
Money.
After Arthur died, I solved myself by moving to Arizona.
Now I was asking him to remain inside uncertainty.
It was uncomfortable.
It was also necessary.
I stood.
“I’m going home.”
Daniel looked toward the stairs.
“The kids wanted dessert with you.”
“Then I’ll stay for dessert.”
Rebecca stood too.
“I made pie.”
“You?”
“Yes.”
“From scratch?”
She frowned.
“I am capable of using an oven.”
“I have four years of evidence to the contrary.”
For one second she stared at me.
Then she laughed.
It was small and surprised.
So was mine.
Daniel looked between us as if he had missed a meeting.
Dessert was awkward and lovely.
Emily showed me thirty-seven photographs.
Twenty-two were of the ocean.
Eight were of hotel breakfasts.
Four contained only her own fingers.
Jack showed me a shell he had found and explained that he had returned it to the beach because a sign said visitors should leave natural objects where they found them.
“I took a picture instead.”
“That was smart.”
“Dad wanted to bring it.”
Daniel protested.
“It was a very good shell.”
We laughed.
Nothing was repaired.
But for forty minutes, nothing needed to be.
When I left, Emily ran after me.
