“And was it like that?”
His response took too long.
I don’t know.
Then he said something I hated because it sounded exactly like Michael.
“You’d try to carry everything by yourself until I ended up crushing you.
And the kids are my family, too.
I looked up the stairs.
“So what’s going on now?”
You decide.
“No,” I said.
It frowned.
“I loved you when I was twenty-two,” I said. But I didn’t spend fifteen years secretly wishing I chose you.
I know.
I loved Michael. What he did was wrong, but my marriage, my children and my love for him were real.
“I would never say otherwise.
“And he can’t give it back to me like it’s a property just because he felt guilty.
Ethan nodded.s
“You’re right.
“He made our decision once, when we were young. And then he tried to take it again before he died.
“Then what do you want?”
I looked at my first love, my husband’s best friend, my sons’ godfather… and, somehow, my husband.
I want time.
“You have it.
I’m not going to pretend we’re newlyweds.
“It’s okay.
You stay in the guest room. You keep running the company, but you’re gonna show me. Everything Michael assumed I couldn’t handle.
Ethan agreed.
Months later, I attended meetings and learned about the screenings I had previously ridiculed.
One Saturday, Ethan took a basket of clothes from my arms.
I could do it.
I know.
This time, I allowed it.
Then I said:
“Do we have dinner tonight?”
With the kids?
“No.
He smiled.
I would like to.
Michael had made our decision twice: once when we were young and once before we died.
There would be no third time.
Whatever it was that Ethan and I became later, finally, the decision would be ours.
