“Don’t take him home. He won’t live long anyway… One day you’ll thank me for this decision,” my husband said about our nevado newborn son before walking out of the hospital that very same day. And in that moment, I made a decision I might still regret for the rest of my life

“Sarah, we shouldn’t take him home.”

I thought I had misunderstood him.

“What?”

“Think about our lives. Think about him. We’re going to become attached to him, and then we’re going to lose him. You’ll be destroyed. So will I.”

I held my baby tighter.

“He’s our son.”

Mike sat beside me.

“That’s exactly why I’m saying this. The doctors can find an appropriate facility for him. There will be specialists there. If he isn’t going to have a long life… maybe it’s better to let go now.”

“You’re telling me to leave my baby here?”

“I’m telling you that we should save ourselves from pain that is inevitable.”

I didn’t sleep that night.

Little Jake slept beside me.

I counted every breath he took.

One.

Two.

Three.

And each time, part of me wondered whether Mike was right.